I was 16 years old and condescending I when I posed this question at a Billy I Graham Crusade in B.C. Place Stadium, in Vancouver, British Columbia.
I had gone with my dad to the meeting just to appease him. I thought that this was just another one of his fads. But I sat quietly and listened. The message seemed foreign to me. I possibly had heard about a conceptual God, but never had I heard about a God who loved me and who wanted a relationship with me. My curiosity was piqued, but I didn't think that Jesus could love me, for I was well-advanced in my life-style of drinking, drugs and sex. I felt as if I didn't belong at the meeting—the people near me seemed so religious. Because I had come to this conclusion, all I could see was an ocean of people using religion as a crutch—any bit of my heart that might have been softening to the message became suddenly rock hard.
Popular among my peers, I was athletic and an honor roll student, and I could drink more liquor and smoke more pot than any of my friends. I thought that I had it all—I didn't need anyone to save me.
The following night, after that Crusade meeting, my dad embraced Jesus Christ. My dad quickly became a complete nuisance! He changed his focus from parties, business, success and women—to Jesus. Just before I left for a year's travel in Europe, he gave me a small New Testament which I became determined to disprove. I had heard that the Bible was full of discrepancies, and I was going to find them and show my and the tears pouring from my dad how wrong he was.
I started in the book of Matthew. Chapter after chapter, I read—first with disbelief and then with amazement. Could this be true? Was Jesus really God? Did He really want a relationship with me? How could I possibly turn from the sin in my life and be "born again"? My life was one big sin! What would I tell my friend? People would mock me!
For five years, after first hearing the Gospel message from Billy Graham, I studied the Bible, all the while rejecting Jesus. The harder I searched for the truth, the deeper I got into my worldly life-style. The closer I got to accepting Jesus, the more depraved my mind and activities became. The more I had a sense of my sin, the more I sinned. I drank more, took more drugs and had more sex. I longed to be loved, but I was alone, and I felt as empty and as lost as I had ever been. Only when my energy pools were dry was I able to stop running from Jesus.
The process of turning to Jesus, of surrendering to Him, began one day in June, 1990, as I drove along a highway. I could hardly see the road. The rain pelting on my windshield, and the tears pouring from my eyes were blinding. That day a storm raging inside me as well. Satan held on tightly as my will screamed, “I don't need God!”
Yet Jesus gently drew me unto Himself unto Himself. His loving kindness was irresistible. "You can trust Me," I sensed His saying. "Come to Me, I will give you rest. Don't be afraid, I love you. I know your pain.”
I resisted until finally, a body-shaking sob, I cried "OK, Jesus, if You're real, please come into my life! I give up from You—I surrender. Please show me the way and forgive me for rebellious heart." Within me I a serenity that was unfamiliar. Some how I knew that life would be the same—but I afraid of the future.
I had a new and voracious for the Word, and I read Bible every spare moment-was afraid to take an important step in my new faith. For five years I had mocked the “simpletons”- my dad in particular – who believed in Jesus as the Messiah. How could I now admit my error after I had been so vehement?
The Bible says "Whoever acknowledges him before my Father in heaven." I knew that I had to
tell someone about my decision to follow Jesus.
Instinctively I sought out my dad. He wasn't at home, but I knew that ! now was the time to profess my faith in God. So my stepmom and I sat down for tea, and I told her that I had received Jesus. I felt awkward, but I told her that I wasn't sure if I had "done it right." Then she asked, "Would you like to pray right now? That way you'll know for sure."
Me? Pray out loud? I felt like a shy afraid, I love you! little girl. But, in the best way that I know your pain," | knew how, I confessed that I was a sinner and needed Jesus as my Saviour. I asked Him to come into my heart and rule my life. I admitted that I had been wrong all those years, and I asked for forgiveness for speaking against Him and against His followers. I learned later that my step mom had been praying faithfully for me for years.
After praying with my stepmom and admitting my weakness I finally believed that Jesus was in my heart. How well I could identify with the psalmist: “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."1 have seen this verse fulfilled as I have been delivered from alcohol and nicotine addictions, from premarital sex and drug abuse, as well as from bulimia. I now have real joy in my life!
I have been privileged to teach Sunday school, lead Bible studies and facilitate for an evangelistic outreach program. God now has me serving as treasurer and as hospitality ministry coordinator for a local chapter of a women's ministry. And God is birthing in me a new passion for prayer—prayer for people, for my city and for my nation.
God has brought me a long way since that first seed was planted more than 15 years ago, and I am honored that He has, through the shed blood of Jesus, counted me worthy to serve Him.
