Modern Child Monster or Ministry?
J.K. JOHN
In many a home the roles of parents and children would appear to have been reversed. Parents are seen pleading and cringing before small children and allow their four year olds to manipulate and hold them to ransom! The common response from people is " he is just a child" or " she will grow out of it". The behavior itself may change as the child grows older but the inherent values of the bad habits will stay and take different forms. This is increasingly becoming true of the urban populace in this country as well. What has gone wrong? Why is that even educated and successful people feel helpless when they face the challenge of raising children?
What has gone wrong? School teachers and parents are unanimous about one thing, the growing tendency of young people to rebel. Disagreement is only on whom is to be blamed; the parents blame the teachers and the teachers blame the parents. On a common platform both blame the educational system or the modern rat race! It is no coincidence that the present day heroes of young children are monsters and wild characters like 'Power girls', 'Scooby Doo' or Harry Potter, the wizard. The recurring theme of cartoon films, movies and music seems to be fantasy with a liberal mix of revengeful violence, practice of black magic and occult and meaningless sex; all of which in essence are forms of rebellion against teachers, parents and eventually God. Satan has succeeded in replacing childhood innocence with rebellious fantasy and untruth. This of course is not a recent phenomenon. The difference lies in the extent of visuals used and its impact on the child. What is the origin of rebellion, tensions and violence in the society?
The Old Testament: Deuteronomy 5 gives us the recipe for harmonious relationships, which has submission first to God and then to fellow beings at its core. The most important part of the Ten Commandments however is not the rules themselves but the preface given in verse 6 "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt the land of slavery". God simply wanted the Israelites to realize that He loves them and was giving these rules out of his love and concern for their well-being as repeatedly mentioned throughout the book.
Submission and Parents: The first four commandments deal with worship and honor of the Father in Heaven while the fifth exhorts us to honor our earthly parents. The last five commandments sum up the basic requirements of harmonious relationships in society. One of the eternal truths about raising children is the order in which these commandments are placed. Unless a child learns to revere and worship the creator God and honor his parents, he would have difficulty in maintaining good relationships with others. Rebellious behavior is an outcome of failure on the part of the child to revere and submit to God and honor parents in that order. Yesterday's rebellious child is today's unruly worker, the power hungry politician and the ever-angry young man. The worst abusers of power are those who have not learned to be submissive to authority. Not long ago I was talking to a man who had difficulty in holding on to a job for long. His problem was in the area of submission to authority. His biggest challenge came when he was put in a position of authority over others. On probing further he revealed the rebellious hatred he nursed towards his father for what the father had done to him when he was a child.
What is the solution? Children, Worship God and respect and obey your parents. You may be now thinking "you do not know my parents, they are so old fashioned and rigid. They keep telling me what I should do and should not do!" Yes, obeying your parents all the time is difficult but the Bible gives no other option for children. The truth is that rebellion hurts those who rebel the most. Submission to parents is a prerequisite for your own well being. If you feel your parents are unreasonable the best thing to do is to pray for them and express your feelings to your parents themselves in a respectful manner. You could also get help from your church leader or a mature relative. If you rebel against your parents and do not learn to be submissive to them as a child, you would face problems of relationships at school, university and the outside world.
Parents, the Pastor and Teacher at home: Parents, there is nothing more satisfying on this side of eternity than to see your child grow to love your Lord. You are the representative of God in this ministry of teaching the way of the Lord and demonstrating the love of God to the child. The fifth commandment is the link between the first four and the last five. Therefore, invest everything in shepherding the heart of the child from the time the child is born. Imitate the lawgiver God of Israel in loving your child to the point of using the rod of correction. Teach your child to love and worship the Lord. Teach her the Ten Commandments and practice them yourself. As the Lord explained the importance of teaching the law to children he says:
"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates". Deut. 6:6-9
Teach the child as much from the Bible as you can even if the child does not understand everything you teach. You must set biblical limits for the child's behavior and lovingly but strictly enforce them. Be consistent and true to what you proclaim and do. Grace demands that promises and warnings must be followed through, as this is a godly trait. One of the problems of parenting is to be consistent and true to wahat you tell the child, especially in the area of discipline. Most parents continue warnings and threats without doing anything about them. On the other extreme are those who exasperate the child with their unpredictable and abusive ways. Paul speaks strongly against this in Ephesians 6:4. Do not spare the rod but use it wisely and sparingly. In the long run discipline and obedience are products of truth( the Word) and love(context of godly relationships) powered by the Holy Spirit. Within a godly and mature relationship, love and respect are earned and not enforced because these are issues of the heart. Your aim should be to lead the child to the maturity.
The primary responsibilty for shaping godly influences and disciplining the child rests with the parents. This responsibility cannot be delegated to anyone else, not even grand parents, pastors or school teachers. At best they can teach the child and give advice to the parents. Therefore parents cannot blame the school, the church or the society for the rebelliousness of the child. Does this mean that biblical child rearing will always be succesful? Ideally and in principle yes,but we must remember that each child is not only a child of the parents but also an individual created in the image of God with his own free will and the power to accept or reject the truth ( Proverbs 20: 11).
So what do you do with the rebellious child? In many a case the child will be a reflection of his confused and rebellious parents who cannot agreeon issues related to the headship, roles of father and mother and biblical ways of raising children. The first step therefore is to look at the relationship between the parents and see how they submit to God, to each other and others.Have they committedteh child's future into the LOrd's hand or are they using worldly ways to manipulate and control the child? Is Christ the Lord of the family or is it money or any other worldly values that rule the home? |
