Communication in Marriage
Tips on communicating properly in a marriage:
1. BE A PATIENT LISTENER
The communication process begins when the sender sends out a message to the receiver. The diagram below shows this process.
For effective communication to take place, the message has to be received by the receiver and understood in the proper context. Often, especially in marriage, spouses do not take time to listen properly to their partner but react immediately. This leads to frustration in both the sender and the receiver. The sender is frustrated as the intended message is not conveyed and the receiver is frustrated as the message is wrongly interpreted, leading to hurt or anger.
Antidote. Listen, digest and then respond.
2. COMMUNICATE CLEARLY AND APPROPRIATELY
Sometimes the sender does not communicate the message clearly or communicates it in a manner that causes the receiver to automatically turn defensive. At times, the sender adds his or her own prejudices, feelings/emotions to the message. As a consequence of this, even though the sender may be communicating a logical and correct message, the receiver may take it in a negative, unconstructive way. In this way, not only is communication hindered but also other unnecessary issues surface. Also it is better not to let unresolved issues simmer for long. Share them with your spouse at an appropriate moment. It could be at night before the family devotions or whenever the condition appears right to resolve the issue.
Antidote. Rehearse what you want to say and say it at an appropriate place and time.
3. EXTERNAL FACTORS HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
Factors like stress, sickness and tiredness, etc. hamper effective communication. For example, the wife or the husband may have had a bad day at work, and when he or she comes home, the other spouse bursts out with information about bills that have to be paid. This may cause stress on the partner who has just walked into the house after a hectic, long and stressful day’s work. His or her frame of mind is not right to take in what the spouse is saying.
Antidote. One rule of thumb, which most people know, but do not follow, is to not let the steam out when your partner has just returned from work. Make your partner comfortable when he/ she comes from work, give him/ her time to settle down, then share whatever is bothering you.
ALWAYS REMEMBER
For effective communication to take place,
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Rehearse what you want to say, in the manner that you want to say it
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When you want to say it
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Where you want to say it
Think through what you want to communicate. Occasionally, after thinking about the matter, you may decide that it is not necessary to express it or perhaps you may realize that your thinking about the matter needs to be changed. Pray about it and look for direction in God’s word regarding what you’re facing. To communicate effectively, maturity and humility is also required.
Think about the best time to say what you want to say. Is it best to wait till the weekend to communicate your matter or should it be said at the end of the day? Is it better to say the matter over the phone, email or face to face?
Following these tips is not easy but for marriage to be successful, one needs to approach matters prayerfully and in a humble manner. |
