Mrs. Rosemary Barker

Gold intends marriage to be a life time commitment. When entering marriage, people should never consider divorce an option for solving problems… Are your actions today helping your marriage grow stronger, or are you tearing it aparty?

A special concern throughout the churches these days is what is happening to many Christian marriages? We may say that in the West divorce has become too common, but here in India some pastors estimate that up to 80% of the couples in their churches are divorced in everything except name, living completely separate lives and not communicating with each other except through the children; for instance, statements such as a mother telling her kids, "Tell your father food is there," are too familiar for us.

Among the younger generation there is a deep pessimism about marriage, and the question often asked by a young person about getting married is, "How can I be sure that my marriage will not end up like those marriages I see around me?"

It seems to be the same picture from the North-East States right down to the South. So I would like to ask a question to all of you who are reading this: "Have you realized the intimate connection between your spiritual growth and effectiveness and physical and emotional harmony between husband and wife?"

I would like to address this question specially to all present and future husbands and ask you to consider with me 1 Peter 3:7 where the apostle Peter writes: "Husbands ... be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs together with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

Peter wrote this letter to encourage the believers to stand fast in the true grace of God (5:12) and to call them all, leaders and members, to holiness of life (1:13). Here in 3:7 in a surprisingly direct way he links the grace of God with practical living. Why treat your wife with respect

Because if you do not, your prayers will be hindered!

Peter gives two grounds for what he is saying. Firstly, in the Lord, your wife is an equal partner with you; as Paul says in Galatians 3:28 "In Christ there is neither male nor female, for you are one in Christ Jesus."

Secondly, Peter calls the wife as 'weaker partner.' In what way is she weaker? If you, or your parents, have chosen wisely, I hope she will not be weaker intellectually; and in most countries women live longer than men, and are less subject to diseases. However, socially and economically they may be disadvantaged, and physically women have stresses that their husbands have no experience of. Their bodies come under assault every month, for a whole week, from the age of as young as 9 years onwards. They bear and nurse the children. When the wife comes back into the house, how often do you see her take off her slippers, pick up a news paper and relax in a chair? Many times the husband sits and says to his wife "Make tea for me!" How often have you ever heard the wife ask her husband to 'make tea?'

On that topic, recently I heard of a pastor's family in a neighboring country where they had very little money. That day there was no sugar or tea in the house. Visitors came and the husband said to his wife, "make tea." Very nicely the wife explained that her husband would make the tea that day, and she would sit and talk with the visitors. Rather surprised, the husband went into the kitchen and after a few minutes he came back carrying a tray and 6 glasses of water! I think that couple had an interesting discussion after the visitors left. He had no idea how his wife was struggling financially.

Can I make some very practical suggestions to help husbands to show respect to their wives in ways that their wives can appreciate?

Look upon your wife as an equal partner in all your enterprises-this is uniquely a Christian witness that every couple can make to Christ's redemptive work.

Involve her in all decisions-one husband announced some plan he had made, and his wife very nicely asked: "Is that a decision or is it open to discussion?"

Never put her down in public.

Be aware of her monthly cycle and offer her help with the physical tasks in the home.

What does Peter tell us will be the result? Your own spiritual life will be on a different level, and your ministry for the Lord will be strengthened. We could add that your children will be encouraged and may not be so fearful of marriage when their turn comes.

Authored by Mrs. Rosemary Barker, an active worker among women both in the West and the East lives in Bristol, United Kingdom.