‘Who here has one son and one daughter?’ I asked in a recent retreat for pastors and their wives in rural Orissa. About 8 hands went up. ‘If you have one egg to give your children, who do you give it to, your son or your daughter ?’ The wives and mothers hesitated and then one or two voices said, ‘We divide it and give it to both of them.’  ‘You do?’ I pressed them. An older pastor said, ‘Actually, that’s not what really happens. We give it to the boy.’

Until very recently, the entrenched discrimination against girls and women in India and Nepal caused women to die earlier than men when in nearly every other country men died earlier. Now the UNDP figures show very welcome improvement achieving a normal pattern. Son preference in Hindu cultures is apparently because a son is required to light the parents’ pyre when they are cremated to ensure their passage to heaven.  In Nepal once, I was asked what will happen to me when I die, because I am unmarried and childless.  I said, ‘I have a Son, Jesus, who has made a way for me to heaven when I die.’  The answer met with silence; of comprehension or confusion, I’m not sure.

Gender gap compared

In the 2005 Gender Gap rankings of the  World Economic Forum, India ranked 53 out of 58 countries. This was measured on five factors: economic participation, economic opportunity, political empowerment, educational attainment and health and well-being.  Only Egypt, Turkey, Korea, Pakistan and Jordan were lower in the rankings. Not surprisingly four out of this five are Muslim countries, another culture which attributes a low status  to women. Also in 2005, the Human Development Index compiled by the Untied Nations Development Programme  showed India at 128th place out of 177 countries. A similar Gender Development Index showed that gender issues were largely responsible for India’s low ranking in the general Human Development Index.  Has much changed in the last 5 years?  What kind of change do we want to see in Indian society and in the Christian community?

Equality or equity?

Do we want equality or equity: for women to be treated with the same value as men or to be treated fairly, with justice, according to their gifts?  Recently the sex ratio in Delhi has increased from 822 to 831 females per 1000 males. In 2007, The Times of India had a specially Christian story on Christmas Day with the headline ‘Survey: sex ratio highest among Christians’. It’s a good thing that, on the arrival of a new baby, Christian parents can say, ‘We’ve been blessed with a baby girl.’  On the other hand, recently a Christian father met me in a village holding a new baby and said with a note of disappointment, ‘This is my fourth daughter’.  Not, ‘This is our fourth child, Sunita. Isn’t she beautiful?’ A more valuable son was what he wanted.

Making up ground

There is ground, perhaps, to make up in the rural areas in the perceived value of girls. How will the Christian community address this? What are the attitudes of rural pastors and their families to lead this change towards equal value? Is there even a place in the church where women are given equal opportunities of education, training and service which might mean preference over men when gifts and capabilities are taken into account?  What if a woman has greater leadership qualities in some aspects than her husband?
 
Side by side

What a fitting term this is for gender relations, especially in Christian circles. Eve was made out of a rib from Adam’s side, not his shin bone to be walked over or a bone in his hand to do all the dirty work. She was a helper suitable for him; a helper like God is our helper. The same Hebrew word is used of Eve as for God, ezer; a capable, powerful asset available for invaluable support. The same sense is in the word parakletos in New Testament Greek, referring to the Holy Spirit, it means one who comes alongside. So, Eve was not a subservient helper. I believe male domination is a result of the Fall and part of the penalty God handed to Eve and all women, ‘Your desire will be to your husband and he will rule over you.’ [Gen 3:16] The good news is a righting of this imbalance: our redeemed life brings reversal and restored relationships.  Wives are to submit to husbands who love them, not dominate them.  All Christians are to submit to one another. [Eph 5:21]. Mutuality within marriage is wonderfully clear in 1 Cor 7:4. Husband and wife have authority over each other and should exercise mutual consent.

In the same retreat for pastors and wives, groups of men and women were separately asked to consider their roles in two areas: home and family; and church ministry and evangelism. A brief reminder was given of the lives of Priscilla and Aquila in Acts 18:1-3, 18-19, 24-26. They are always mentioned together, side by side, as tent-making colleagues of Paul’s in Corinth and then as ministers in the church in Ephesus. The groups made lists of tasks in the two areas and marked who did each task at present, husband or wife. Secondly, they were asked to think what could be different. After much heated debate two points came up; it was agreed that more women should preach and men should cook and wash clothes more. Two little steps, it seems to me, to . This simple exercise has featured prominently in the feedback from the retreats. Here is a sample comment:

‘We learnt how as husband and wife we have an equal role in the family
and we should work side by side and also work for the church together.
When we go back to our church we will teach what we have learnt here
and encourage them’.

Working side by side does not seem to be threatening, only mutually helpful.

Step by step

If parents share the eggs and educational opportunities equally, then daughters will grow a mite stronger, be more valued and live a little longer. If pastors share the load of their ministry with a degree more equity, supporting their gifted wives, then church leadership and family life will be strengthened substantially and the couple will be a model of gender parity for society as a whole.

Heather Payne, Social Development Consultant, Good Word Communication Services and EFI Advocacy Programme