by Mahruaii Sailo

As I was unconsciously humming the song, “Do you still love me?” (Telephone ringtone of my roommate), I was jolted inside by a louder voice, questioning, “Do you still love me?’

I stood still for a while, cocked my head and think. I felt bad for the need to be asked this question. Initially, I could not even see why such a question was raised on me.

As I pondered more, I started seeing the mud that reached higher than my ankle and more mud spreading around all over me.

The moment I attached more importance to other things, on what other people will think and covering myself up for my own selfish purposes, then I lose the balance.

I was asked this question because I increased and the Lord decreased, it is as simple as that. I preferred the world to smile at me.

And what does the world smiling at me brought forth?  Do you realize how empty, shallow and foolish a person can be without the Lord?

Especially as a person who had once walked with the Lord, who once shared a table with him and who knew how sweet life can be with Him.

The inner turmoil that King David went through after his experience of faltering from the Lord’s path hit the pit of the stomach. The misery that comes with the realization that the Lord is hurting, pains so badly.

“Because of my loud groaning I am reduced to skin and bones. I am like a desert owl, like an owl among the ruins.” Psalm 102: 5-6

“As the deer pants for the river, so my soul longs after thee … my tears have been my food day and night.” Psalm 42:1

A believers’ life started straying when the eye and the mind started focusing on the carnal things, trying to blend one’s life with the things around us. And there are so many things around us.

A believer must act opposite to all the suggestions and whispers of the flesh. On the contrary, I so often act on the desire of the carnal. Giving smiles and talks and walks for my own benefit, shoving the Lord aside which brings nothing but a pungent smell and a whole lot of foolishness and shame.

I once heard that the Pharisees in their discipline not to act on the carnal  looked straight ahead, especially when they were about to meet women, or else they will be tempted and that it will polluted their minds. They looked straight ahead that they often banged their heads on the wall as such they come to be called the bleeding Pharisees.

This is applicable in the contemporary world too in the sense that we sometimes need to clutch our hands together, fold our arms from falling into the pools of the world and its desires. On such situations, I guess we have to cock our heads toward the left if the temptation is too big on the right side or turn it left and vice versa, sternly straitening our heads as the Pharisees.

On the other hand, the battle can be rather tough when the food on the other plate look seemingly attractive. In all probability, they can even seem genuine and apt. The temptation to let go and be carried by the flow become so strong. But let’s pray here that the Holy Spirit will reveal the truth, the superficiality of the moment with all its foolishness.

“Come, north- south wind and come east- west wind and blew towards every directions the fragrances of my goodness.”

What fragrances I emitted when the desert on the other plate look frighteningly beautiful? What fragrances I give out on a given circumstances? I know I almost falter, fall and slip, sometimes almost giving in!! Here I echoed the verse, “Because of His goodness, we were not consumed.”

A believer has to pay heed to the timely divine intervention. Acknowledging our weaknesses and praying that the Holy Spirit will reveal the truth and help us to listen and let us live a life as desire by God.

I give thanks to the Holy Spirit for revealing the truth in time so that I can say…

“I still love you Lord and want to live mightily for you, but sometimes the thorn along the way seems too sharp, I cannot go alone but there is no road where you withdrew your loving hands.”

 So, come Lord; help me to stand firm for you.